snow and sunshine

I walked outside this morning, with a pig in my arms, the snow was cold and sun shined bright. It felt like spring was just around the corner, and I should be searching for the first bulbs to pop through the snow. It feels like it will be a year of growth, and a more adult feel to my life. It has been a good winter. I have felt more like myself this winter than in ones past. Usually I will get into a funk and feel insecure, lonely and not know what to do with myself.

At the beginning of this winter, I made a deal with myself. Do something that makes you happy. Like drawing, writing, cleaning a closet, watching a movie, do nothing, do something, learn something new. Do something Ellen that will make yourself feel happy each day. Also, be okay with not doing anything. Let yourself off the hook. This is your break of the year, you run your ass off the whole rest of the year. Take this time to let your mind and body rejuvenate. You don’t have to have a list you complete everyday. It is important to take time for you, the inner you, and outer you. Stay organized and yet be okay with the fact that you may have not put those clothes away.

Tapping into the skills I have that I ignore throughout the spring summer and fall. Like drawing and writing. I haven’t written in the longest time. I felt like there was a part of me I was neglecting. Same with drawing. I forget that I am pretty good at it. I will toot my own horn on that one. I love my art! What ends up on the paper. Seeing the visions I have become a reality on the piece of paper. Being in control of the outcome. Knowing I can make it happen. Then turning the page and starting anew.

I recommend you find yourself each day. When you feel that breeze blow across your face and you feel it flood your soul with freshness. There are moments like that when you see who you are on the inside. Knowing that you are strong and can concur the day, week, year ahead. Those moments are important to remember.

It is easy to lose yourself in the daily grind, slave to the dollar, societies judgements, rules and stipulations.

Hold onto the fierceness inside your soul.

Let the fire burn bright behind your eyes.

Feel the vibrations of the earth, steady and pure, flowing into your body.

Embrace yourself. Be true to yourself. Love yourself.

~Write and Explore~

a thought or two

It has been a while since I have poured any of my thoughts out onto paper. I thought it was about time to let some of it out. I guess it is a good thing that there has been no real issues to vent about but I need to remember that it doesn’t always have to be stress or negative when it comes to writing.

I have all these thoughts on how I should write and draw every day in the winter time since that is when I have the most time. but….it seems that all I want to do is nothing. 🙂 I guess that is because my body finally tells itself to relax. the down side to that is that my mind starts to go all mushy and blank. I need to remember to keep it stimulated and working so that my memory is sharp. I have enjoyed this winter break with the kids. it was great to spend time with them. we are so busy throughout the year that we barely see each other in the summer. I would say that is why I bask in the snow covered ground because it means family time and a time for my body to recuperate after a long summer of two jobs.

I am pretty excited about next year though. I have a few new clients, which means new yards to take care of. I also feel obligated to step up my game and learn more about the world of gardening and growing. I embrace the challenge and hope my pea brain can handle it. I have many books to start reading, because before you know it spring growing will be here and I will be drowning in plants and dirt once again.

A few things I am not sure I am ready for….I will have two teenagers next week…. holy cow. One of them will be driving soon too. it is starting to get pretty serious around here. I am not sure how I will handle him moving out. pretty sure I will freak a little…well maybe a lot. I have to make sure I have done all I can to get him ready to be responsible….dang that is a mountain to tackle all on its own.

My daughter and I were talking the other day, the one who is 13 next week, about how parenting does not come with a guide book. no matter how many “How To” or “Parenting” books you read, there are non that help you with the person that flew out of your body who is just like you and not like anyone else. There is no book attached and no sane advice that can help you mold that little human you just popped out. All you can do is try, fail, learn, succeed, fail again, cry, laugh, learn some more, and look inside yourself to see why the heck they are acting the way they are. And chances are is that they are acting that way because they are you. so when they throw a fit ask yourself would I have done that or have I done that when I was little. probably yes. most definitely yes. then figure out a way to help them through it the way no one ever helped you through it. because lets face it no one knows you better than you. and there fore no one knows your kid better than you. Next time they freak out…yell at you…hate you, cry, and laugh all in the matter of 10 minutes…think about how shitty it was to be a teenager who had no freaking clue why they felt that way. and if you don’t want them to turn to things you turned to get rid of that anger or frustration than I suggest you find a way to teach them how to deal with it. And telling them you understand and can relate to them because you were once like that…helps. Growing up sucks, raising them is fucking hard, doing it while staying sane…even harder. So have that glass of wine, and reflect on how to help your kids handle their shit before they hit the real world.

alright then time to wake the kid and get drivers-ed done, and be productive. it was good to write…better to vent and relieving to release thoughts.

~Happy writing~

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