I will enjoy my Saturday,
and if I can manage to not get dressed today
It would be a successful day for me 🙂
I will attempt this with my pig on my lap…
There are so many things running through my head at the same time now it is hard to get the straight. Today is a big day, my daughter turns 10…double digits. Wow 🙂 I need to write and get this out so I can have a semi clear, as clear as it gets these days, head for her. She deserves to have her mom in one roughly formed ball of emotions.
I was thinking about my emotions, my heart and how much I love. I have so many emotions inside this oddly shaped frame of mine. Trying to understand them all is like trying to unwind a giant, knotted, tightly wound ball of yarn that is full of frayed edges and multi-colored threads. So help me God if it comes unraveled for the wrong, negative reasons…look out. It is like a shit storm of anger, I turn red behind the eyes and have a hard time holding the lid on my mouth. Which I have gotten very good at over the years. On the other, less scary hand, is the caring compassionate loving side of my emotions. There are so many layers that it would take a lot longer than the time I have at the moment to dissect.
The loving side of my emotions and heart is huge and not as complicated to get around. She is a total other being inside of me. And when she loves you, she loves you with all of her heart, that is until you break it. She will give you everything and anything you need to be happy. Her love does not end and needs very little to stay healthy and full. Simple gestures of affection, a few words of kindness, tell her you love her each day, hug her or hold her showing her that she is important to you and is your number one.
This inner entity is very a special and important part of women, each woman. And if is treated right you will reap great rewards of unconditional unfading love, support, respect and admiration. We admire a man who knows how to treat a woman. We respect a man who cares about our feelings and well being. We honor and devote ourselves to the man that shows us that we matter…all of our crazy parts. All we want is to feel comfortable in our own skin around you. And that does require work on both parts. The woman need to be confident in who she is and strong enough to not care what the world thinks of her. And the man needs to understand that we need daily reassurance that we are yours and yours alone. That is done by the simple acts above. The kind words, hugs, saying I love you. It shouldn’t be work to do this for your love. If you want to eventually lose her…don’t do those things. If you want to keep her, do them. We really are not that complicated of animals. We want to love you, and be loved by you.
This article is a good one. I suggest reading it. How to Lose the Woman you Love for Good.
I figured I would start the new year with my devotional and my music. It is helping me focus on what’s ahead of me this year and what is going to require a lot of my attention and dedication. Cleansing my soul, healing my heart, strengthen my emotions, regaining all my courage, and getting my spiritual dedication back on track. Feeding not only body but soul as well. My body, mind and heart are important to be the strongest they can be. Taking time for the “Daily Refreshing” of my goals, and personal battles to overcome are critical. To be comfortable in my own skin, and with the words that come out of my mouth is a struggle. I know that I will not be able to get through this year alone…God will have to be present with each step…decision…effort…change…career…conversation…laugh…and basically each day I am allowed to have. My eyes are focused on the present day and the upcoming weekend. I can not go farther than that at the moment. Why complicate, stress or worry about the next day. I have today, I will prepare for the future but not worry. I will light the candle that was blown out inside my heart and mind, letting the light glow and shine through me. It will lighten all the dark spaces, not allowing anything including hurt worry and pain to hide from its radiant honest light.
Confidently I stand, inside my chest, raising my hands to the sky and shouting praises to the Lord. Thank you!
I will let myself smile, laugh, and be happy.
So I am debating on making a new years resolution…it seems that a lot of time they are made and not completed. I will make on that is definitely doable.
I vow that this next year I will improve my knowledge of plants. I will grow more as a woman in her early 30’s. I will be a great mother to my kids making sure they are becoming responsible young adults, considering I will have a teenager. OH yeah, I and my son will both live through his teen years. I will write more, draw more, and be proud of the talents I do have, and embrace them more. I will walk more confidently in my own skin, speak clearer with my own voice, and no let anyone make me feel small or unintelligent. I will be a strong woman, I will have a good year.
That is the resolution I can think of that makes the most sense.
Happy New Year Ellen. I am proud of you.
Sometimes I wish I could turn it off…but I know it’s there for a reason. Most of those times I do not have a pen or light…like at 4:30 in the morning when my brain is spinning stories and tall tales and I do not want to get up and disturb the pigs and boyfriend in the bed. Then lo and behold when I do drag my butt out of bed they are gone. I think of all the amazing things I have written in the middle of the night, while driving, walking, planting flowers… I used to carry a journal with me everywhere I went but have failed to do that for years. I bought a journal at the book store and think I will shove it in the car with me to get back into the habit. It is healthy for me, writing has always been a way to say all the words that float around in my head all day like a crazy little tornado gathering letters and words each passing moment. That crap needs to leave and I can’t say it out loud…it just doesn’t work that way for me. I am not the greatest public or private speaker. Unless I really know what I m talking about then it is easy…like flowers. But that’s all I really have right now as far as strengths. Okay confession…new favorite song is “Stolen Dance” by Milky Chance. I don’t know why but I m liking it a lot.
my night is coming to an end. see you on the flip side bright screen and little black keys. thanks for always being there when a pen isn’t handy.
~Write and Explore~
I am a woman. I care with all my heart, I love from the deepest crevices of my soul. I am girly, I love shinny things, jewelry, nail polish, sparkly objects. 🙂
I have passion flowing throughout my bones…Artistic, creative and pure. I have a soul…I have feeling. Feelings that are more tender than the softest of rose petals…easily bruised with words of negativity. I am a woman…I will respect you if you respect me.
I will give all of me to you if you accept me for who I am and raise me up as the beautiful creature I am.
I do not have the ego as many others may have, I am confident in my skin as long as it is not damaged by hate.
Embrace the woman inside of you, the Strength that you harbor is a gift from God.
I am a woman, I will not allow darkness, hurt or pain form the outside world to cloud the brightness in my soul, the love in my heart, or the intelligence in my mind…..
I am beautiful… I am strong… I am goofy and silly… I am smart… I am me.
Embrace Yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself
There are very few days out of the month that I feel like, what I deem as, a normal human being. Confident, not insecure. Focused, not scattered. A woman, not a drone. Secure, not insecure. Peaceful, not worried. Real and Alive, not just going through the motions. I don’t expect anyone else to really understand that but it doesn’t matter what other people can comprehend of my thoughts. The bottom line is that today I feel normal. Inspired and ready. With a hot cup of coffee in my hand and snow falling on the ground, which I think is absolutely delightful, today will be a good day.
I woke to see a winter wonderland today outside my window.
The snow feels like a blanket of silence wrapped around my mind and shoulders.
Calming the excitement, relaxing the mood,
and hushing the world telling it to slow down and rest.
The seasons are not ready to change yet…
Hold off just a little longer,
Allow us to hibernate a few weeks more.
The chaos of Spring can wait.
My Goal: Remember this feeling today and carry it with you to the next day, and the day after that.
Positive Phrase: You are worthy to be the confident strong woman you see inside yourself, yet are afraid to let out at times. Be the Woman you know you are on the inside. She is important and good. She is who you are, and who your loved ones know you as. Be yourself and don’t worry about how people see you.