Once upon a time

There are few words that sets the mind up for adventure like “Once upon a Time”. The feeling of endless opportunity, exciting adventures, and mystical places flood the mind. It makes me think that if I started my future story with “Once upon a Time”….how would I write the story. What would the ending be, who would I encounter, what battles would I fight and where would my adventure end. Would it be happily ever after, or would it be an endless journey of self betterment? Would the trail lead to far off places where the mountains touch the sky and the waters run clear as crystals? Would my companion be a righteous spirit animal, like a red dragon or white dire wolf?  The weapon of choice…bow and arrow…sword…sai’s??

I would like to write that story. However, I have a hard time allowing myself the time to do it. It is an internal struggle to allow that much down time and let myself get caught up in something that takes my mind away from what is around me. I think it would be a time where I am in the woods, or out of town to connect with that part of my mind that is free to expand, create and be free. There have been many words, stories and ideas floating around here that are in need of being released. But lo and behold, there they lay…undisturbed and waiting for freedom. The length of time it has been since I have created poetry, stories or free thought evades me…I do not know how long it has been. Too long my friend…too long.

Whats your “Once upon a time”???

snow and sunshine

I walked outside this morning, with a pig in my arms, the snow was cold and sun shined bright. It felt like spring was just around the corner, and I should be searching for the first bulbs to pop through the snow. It feels like it will be a year of growth, and a more adult feel to my life. It has been a good winter. I have felt more like myself this winter than in ones past. Usually I will get into a funk and feel insecure, lonely and not know what to do with myself.

At the beginning of this winter, I made a deal with myself. Do something that makes you happy. Like drawing, writing, cleaning a closet, watching a movie, do nothing, do something, learn something new. Do something Ellen that will make yourself feel happy each day. Also, be okay with not doing anything. Let yourself off the hook. This is your break of the year, you run your ass off the whole rest of the year. Take this time to let your mind and body rejuvenate. You don’t have to have a list you complete everyday. It is important to take time for you, the inner you, and outer you. Stay organized and yet be okay with the fact that you may have not put those clothes away.

Tapping into the skills I have that I ignore throughout the spring summer and fall. Like drawing and writing. I haven’t written in the longest time. I felt like there was a part of me I was neglecting. Same with drawing. I forget that I am pretty good at it. I will toot my own horn on that one. I love my art! What ends up on the paper. Seeing the visions I have become a reality on the piece of paper. Being in control of the outcome. Knowing I can make it happen. Then turning the page and starting anew.

I recommend you find yourself each day. When you feel that breeze blow across your face and you feel it flood your soul with freshness. There are moments like that when you see who you are on the inside. Knowing that you are strong and can concur the day, week, year ahead. Those moments are important to remember.

It is easy to lose yourself in the daily grind, slave to the dollar, societies judgements, rules and stipulations.

Hold onto the fierceness inside your soul.

Let the fire burn bright behind your eyes.

Feel the vibrations of the earth, steady and pure, flowing into your body.

Embrace yourself. Be true to yourself. Love yourself.

~Write and Explore~

Can you rough it?…yes I can

I just read a post about not being able to make it without computers, and how being at the end of a dirt road would not be possible for them….

I am the opposite. take my phone, take the internet and all the business of society! I m good.

I would love to have the simple life I grew up having. With only a few exceptions. I would have a killer root cellar and a toilet inside the house.

But I could totally live without the internet and all that goes along with it. We do not need it to survive, no matter what people think. I mean take your phone away and you will not collapse and die. Turn the internet off and you wont stop breathing. Is it nice. yea it is. but necessary to live…no.

We lived at the end of a dirt road with no one around us. We moved into the house when it only had 1/4 of the floor/roof finished, a ladder leading downstairs, and no walls completed. It was motivation to get it done before the snow flew. 🙂 We got it done by tearing down old buildings in town that no one wanted and using wood from our property that was made into boards by a neighbor at the bottom of the road.

The well was the best water I still love to drink to this day. So cold and clean. You feel like you are part of the earth then you drink it. The well was paid for by selling logs from the land.

I grew up very simply and without a lot of “Luxury” items. I had to take baths in metal tubs outside, with water heated up on wood stoves and poured into it, even in the winter. Let me tell you, it was like being in a personal hot springs. Snow falling around you as you sat in boiling water on the covered back porch, and watching the birds at the bird feeder. It was quiet and peaceful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

We chopped wood to stay warm, harvesting the wood ourselves throughout the summer from the forest land that backs the property. We had a generator for quite a few years before we got power brought up the hill. During that time, if we wanted black and white T.V. for a few hours a night we had to start it up ourselves. I still remember how it sounded.

I as so blessed to have a childhood where hard work was a norm. I wish my kids could grow up like that. These days kids don’t know the meaning of hard work. I mean you get home, work on the house, or dig fence posts, chop wood, haul water, or fence in the horse pasture, all before starting your homework. We ate what was put in front of us without complaint, worked without grumbling, and never dreamed of talking back…unless you wanted your hair pulled or swatted with a spoon. I am grateful for my mother and her strength it took to raise me and my sister. It was tough for her. We did it on our own with no man, no money and at the beginning only a trailer that fit on the back of a truck to live in. God got us through it all.

The story is much longer than this. Our beginning on the property was not an ideal way to start. However, if it would have been easy…we wouldn’t have learned all we did or had all the adventures we did. They are my fondest childhood memories. Thank you mom for always being our rock, and for pushing us to be the women we are today. I love and adore you for all you have done for me. God has made your daughters into two strong individuals who can say they had a good life with more love than they could ever imagine. Thank you for never giving up when it was hard…or when you felt hopeless. I know you pushed on because there was no other choice. I take all those lessons to heart. There is always a direction to go. If you don’t move forward, you are only stuck in the misery around you.

I am not afraid of what the world can throw at me.

Thank you for showing me what it is to be a Woman.

~reflective and humbled~



Coffee and Yoga…and Snow :)

When I woke up this morning, lets face it I was in a foul mood, as the day passed things were revealed to me that made it all get better. The snow started piling up out side, kids were unplugged and thrown outside and started laughing and playing in it.

My house was quickly becoming cleaner, due to diligent vacuuming and the frantic tossing of clothes in and out of the washer and dryer…Chairs were polished by rosy nosed munchkins, and lunch served. Sometimes it just takes putting myself into what’s around me, what I can control and what I can accomplish in that day helps my mental state immensely. Also talking to my sister and having her as that girlfriend who knows exactly how I feel as a woman in all my wonderful stages of being human, P.M.S and all! We have a nickname ATOM. This is simply because you cannot split an atom…it will explode. She is that way to me, and I thank God for it. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. There are few people who are blessed with beautiful women in their lives like her. She is a light to those around her and I hold her very high in my heart.

Did I mention I am loving this snow…so loving it. It calms the chaos little by little, and wraps me in a white blanket of silence…hushing the worries and soothing the stress.

I started this blog to write just for me…and that is what I will continue to do no matter who reads it and what they think of it. It is my personal vendetta to keep that statement true and always keep my entries fear free.

end notes:

Pink Floyd and Creedence  Clearwater make me happy, coffee is satisfying, chocolate is delicious, and Candles smell delightful, and Pigs dislike me doing Yoga.

Find your happiness, and don’t be afraid to show it…

~Write and Explore~

Coffee and Yoga

Needless to say it has been months since I have written words to myself and for myself. They begin to clutter in my head like old cobwebs caught in the corners of the unreachable ceilings. Taunting me, getting fuller of dirt each day. Catching these webs and removing them is a task that is harder than just getting a broom and waving it around above your head like an idiot trying to hit an invisible force somewhere in the upper hemisphere. Believe it or not, it’s not the thinking that is that hardest part but the non thinking that makes the broom slippery and unable to grasp. In turn, leaving the webs intact and unscathed by the my efforts. If thoughts are being forced out then they are not pure and smooth as they should be. Kind of like pushing down on a play-dough form to hard and it all oozes out the edges like a Neanderthal using tools for the first time.  Not pretty. Seeing that you are capable of putting words on a piece of parchment, or screen, satisfies a small part of my inner writer that wears unique clothing, walks around clicking a pen randomly, and staring out over a calm pond or up into an overgrown leafy tree for hours not writing a thing…just observing.  This writer inside of me has no worry of time, when it starts or ends. It is a sense of self representing peaceful, ageless, freedom. With this self as a part of me…lets just say I feel normal. I cannot deny it as a part of me or who I am, yet embrace it and let it out. I don’t care who sees it…it is not for anyone else but me. I am not here to please you with the words that I write, they aren’t yours they aren’t even mine to possess…just release into the universe to float and be free.  To exist with the beauty God created, forever changing, always unique, and never controlled.


~Write and Explore~



the sun shines brightly today. I sit in my usual spot with coffee by my side, a definite must each day. florence and the machines floods my ears as i get pumped for a day of running around a plant nursery helping people find that perfect plant, and making sure the plants survive our all of a sudden burst of summer. it has finally arrived and is here with a sweltering sting. my boyfriend still sleeps…how i wish to crawl back into bed with him….coffee intrivieniously would be a fantastic invention right about meow.  somewhere inside of me I know there is still my poet who thinks in colors and dreams in details. I need to remember that she needs to be beside me daily not just out when I want to create. it is such a huge part of my mind…or it was. it seems like when I get busy it is forgotten and pushed into the background. I remember now why i made this blog…for times like these where my journal is not handy and i feel like writing. the woods are calling my name each time the wind blows and rustles the leaves. glorious shimmering twinkling wildflowers smiling up at me showing me the delicate beauty God has created….the clock says its time to go… my mind says its time to sleep..my body says its time to explore the vastness that is my idaho…i am happy to be home…..i feel a peace within my soul, a calmness in my heart, and love throughout our home. balance and harmony is key…..keep the balance, steady feet, soft hands and flowing movement with all that is around us….



4 letters (brief explicate content)

In 4 letters we define our feelings….whether they are feelings of hate, anger, sadness, devotion, longing… A single 4 letter word beginning with or followed by “You” can affect the soul on the deepest level…. “Fuck you”… “You Shit”… “Damn You”…. “Love You”.  Whether they are whispered or yelled, silent or written these words form the twisted patterns of our emotions and thoughts. We express ourselves with words written and spoken, as others use art, music and dance to show such sentiment.

Whom we say these words to depends on how we feel, who we are around, and what impression we are wanting to give that person. The word that came to mind when I started writing this article was LOVE. It is rediculous how much we abuse this word these days. Such a precious word that should be spoken between loved ones in the most tender of scenes. 

What is it to love…. 

By Wikipedia definition:

Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.  

 [1] Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and “the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”.  

[2] Love may also be described as actions towards others or oneself based on compassion, or as actions towards others based on affection.

The other explanation I liked was when it said that: Love may be understood as part of the survival instinct, a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.

To me love is that feeling you get when you see your lover and you know that you would do anything for them, and are willing to sacrifice your selfish ways and put them above your own. When we go back in history to the time of carriages girdles and fluffy butted dresses, the women were spoken of as the most precious jewels that were treasured respected and honored. A woman was respected for her beauty,virtue, devotion and noble principles. A man was respected because of his loyalty virtue and noble principles as well. They both honored and loved each other without question.  (I am sure there was more, however, being denied of living in that time I do not know all they valued in one another) 

It seems that honor, virtue and noble principles are lacking these days in many women, men and even children are not being taught these valuable lessons. 

Unselfish love, not asking for anything in return, not expecting praise for loving someone, but simply loving them for who they are completely and knowing that by doing so  you are showing them the deepest of loyalty respect and devotion. To me that is love.



…as always your comments are welcome… to me there are no wrong answers only personal thoughts that are very valuable.

Sun Glorious Sun

Today is proving to be a sunshine filled day. I have been waiting for continual days of sun all winter. The gloominess of the season was starting to wear on everyone in the house.

I feel like it is the beginning of a great year. I have two beautiful children, one starting soccer this spring and the other will do fall full contact football. Bring on the sports! I have an amazing loving boyfriend whom shows me more love and compassion than I knew possible.

Work started up again and the plant nursery is in full swing. Bring on spring! I feel strong, confident and happy. I thank God for all that we have been given. There are always lessons to be learned and growth to be experienced. With the right people by your side, God, a strong mind, and the will to concur, anything is possible. We are only limited by what we allow ourselves to be limited by. 

I believe that the key is to do what you know is right. That gut feeling you feel and that little voice you hear inside your head.  Stand up for yourself and what you know is true. Show that you are a confident honorable individual who has a good head on their shoulders. Allow yourself to be free of fear and the insecurities fear brings. Learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them. Take them with you, always knowing that road you do not want to travel again.

Start each day by making it better than the day before. Not by saying “I will try to not mess up”.  But say instead ” I will never fuck up”.  It is always possible to lead an honest truthful devoted life. So find the strength inside yourself to be that person each day.

If we all hold ourselves to a higher standard, we will in return create a better sense of humanity among ourselves as individuals and as a culture.


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