Once upon a time

There are few words that sets the mind up for adventure like “Once upon a Time”. The feeling of endless opportunity, exciting adventures, and mystical places flood the mind. It makes me think that if I started my future story with “Once upon a Time”….how would I write the story. What would the ending be, who would I encounter, what battles would I fight and where would my adventure end. Would it be happily ever after, or would it be an endless journey of self betterment? Would the trail lead to far off places where the mountains touch the sky and the waters run clear as crystals? Would my companion be a righteous spirit animal, like a red dragon or white dire wolf?  The weapon of choice…bow and arrow…sword…sai’s??

I would like to write that story. However, I have a hard time allowing myself the time to do it. It is an internal struggle to allow that much down time and let myself get caught up in something that takes my mind away from what is around me. I think it would be a time where I am in the woods, or out of town to connect with that part of my mind that is free to expand, create and be free. There have been many words, stories and ideas floating around here that are in need of being released. But lo and behold, there they lay…undisturbed and waiting for freedom. The length of time it has been since I have created poetry, stories or free thought evades me…I do not know how long it has been. Too long my friend…too long.

Whats your “Once upon a time”???

Morning Yoga

Monday morning….frosty ground…dark af outside. As I sit in front of the fire, waiting for my teenagers to get ready for school, I feel a twinge in my back. Crunching on ginger snaps and sipping my coffee, I think to myself: “Hmmm I should do some yoga this morning.” So I lay a blanket down, turn YouTube on…..and watch imomsohard. Yup it’s Monday. I’ll get around to it….one more cookie.

15 minutes later…..

After stretching, and watching Jimmy Fallon, I turned to my routine that my best friend Brittany made for me to help with my rotator cuff, and my hip stiffness. She is amazing at what she does and I’m so happy to finally get back into my healing routine. It has been months. I also found a 10 minute morning yoga on YouTube that helped me warm up. I will add planking on forearms then on palm the next time around. I need to build up my core. It is the center of all our strength, and my back needs the support.

Now to eat breakfast and watch a show. It is my day off after all and pigs need cuddling.

~until next time~

Summer mornings

If I could freeze the day right now and have 11 hours of cool summer morning sun, a strong hot cup of coffee, and a crisp cool breeze blowing in through the office window as I bust out the social media for the day……..that would be fantastic. I’ll have that please…yes that would be amazing.

the pig agrees….



an adult

I had lunch with my mom yesterday. We have done this only one time before. She said something to me that stuck in my mind and touched my heart.  She said:

“No matter what you choose in your life, I will support you and stand beside you.” 

Knowing that my mother, whose opinion matters deeply, loves and supports me no matter what. She said along with that later that night, when I called and thanked her, said:

“Your kids will do whatever they feel is right no matter what when they are older 

so I need to stand by them.” 

I have gotten closer to my mother over the past few years. Especially this last year. It finally feels like we are equal adults, and able to talk without me feeling like a child anymore. It is a blessing to feel the support of my decisions, even though I would decide what I thought was right without approval. We all have to follow our hearts and guts and pray for the guidance along our own personal journeys.

Being confident in yourself, and your God leading your path, knowing that you are doing what is best for you, your family, your loved ones, is what matters.

Taking each day at a time. Not worrying. Loving completely. Laugh. Pray. Encourage. Forgive. Motivate yourself. Take time for You. Dance. Live. Be silent. Be loud. Be You. Give Kindness. Help others when you see a need. Be Chivalrous. Sing too loud. Be happy you have air in your lungs and a day to live to its fullest.

“See others for what and who they Are

Not for what You want them to be”


…I looked into my heart and emotions…


I will attempt this with my pig on my lap…

There are so many things running through my head at the same time now it is hard to get the straight. Today is a big day, my daughter turns 10…double digits. Wow 🙂 I need to write and get this out so I can have a semi clear, as clear as it gets these days, head for her. She deserves to have her mom in one roughly formed ball of emotions.

I was thinking about my emotions, my heart and how much I love. I have so many emotions inside this oddly shaped frame of mine. Trying to understand them all is like trying to unwind a giant, knotted, tightly wound ball of yarn that is full of frayed edges and multi-colored threads. So help me God if it comes unraveled for the wrong, negative reasons…look out. It is like a shit storm of anger, I turn red behind the eyes and have a hard time holding the lid on my mouth. Which I have gotten very good at over the years. On the other, less scary hand, is the caring compassionate loving side of my emotions. There are so many layers that it would take a lot longer than the time I have at the moment to dissect.

The loving side of my emotions and heart is huge and not as complicated to get around. She is a total other being inside of me. And when she loves you, she loves you with all of her heart, that is until you break it. She will give you everything and anything you need to be happy. Her love does not end and needs very little to stay healthy and full. Simple gestures of affection, a few words of kindness, tell her you love her each day, hug her or hold her showing her that she is important to you and is your number one.

This inner entity is very a special and important part of women, each woman. And if is treated right you will reap great rewards of unconditional unfading love, support, respect and admiration. We admire a man who knows how to treat a woman. We respect a man who cares about our feelings and well being. We honor and devote ourselves to the man that shows us that we matter…all of our crazy parts. All we want is to feel comfortable in our own skin around you. And that does require work on both parts. The woman need to be confident in who she is and strong enough to not care what the world thinks of her. And the man needs to understand that we need daily reassurance that we are yours and yours alone. That is done by the simple acts above. The kind words, hugs, saying I love you. It shouldn’t be work to do this for your love. If you want to eventually lose her…don’t do those things. If you want to keep her, do them. We really are not that complicated of animals. We want to love you, and be loved by you.

This article is a good one. I suggest reading it. How to Lose the Woman you Love for Good.



…wrapping it up… Goodbye 2014

So apparently I can only write shit when I am laying in bed trying to sleep at night or in the early morning when I am trying to catch that last half hour of sleep. By the time I get up it has left my brain and I am sitting here staring at the screen…blink…blink…blink…yeah might just need to drink more coffee and play my Facebook games until something comes to me. Today I am switching back and forth from coffee to hot lime water, I am out of lemon juice.


There are things I could vent about, worries I could express, wants and needs I could expose…but it is New Years Eve, and why end the year complaining and feeling down. (but I might a little just to get it out). I am happy that this next year will be here no matter how my night is spent…which will probably be sleeping cuddling with my pig as the ball drops. I m not saying I want a new years bash or anything, but just to simply look into the eyes of my lover and get a kiss, that means something to both of us, to start the New Year off right. That would be an experience I would like to have.

I guess I am just a silly romantic in a lot ways. I dream of being scooped up into strong caring arms, kissed passionately, and held like I am the only thing on his mind. I remember having that at one point in the beginning of our relationship but as time goes on that fury of passion and craving each others flesh fades, not always fading for both parties equally. I have often wondered what it would be like to have that passion continue longer than a few months or year. To be looked at the way you were in the beginning, like you are so special you might float away if not held onto tightly, kissed deeply and told how beautiful you are, and that you are loved completely. It might be a myth though, to have those things continue over the years. If I am wrong I would love to be corrected.  hearts

For me, I still get butterflies in my stomach, and a longing in my heart when he comes home, when I see him do everyday tasks, and when we a simple hand is held. I still crave him the way I did years ago in the beginning, his kisses…oh his kisses…that is what I miss the most. I don’t think he realizes where he takes me to when he kisses me deeply that way…I become a new woman full of all the desires to make his dreams come true. When he holds me at night, I feel safe from everything…anything. Through all we have been through…I love him very much.

make me happy ic

Anyways. There are many things I am thankful for this year, and things I could have definitely done without, mostly the arguments that have been had, and disappointments experienced. I got a great new job, got closer to my mom and sister, found out I have more girlfriends than I realized. I made a goal to be debt free as soon as possible, and decided I need to make a plan to be able to retire at some point in my life before I m too old to do anything.


Happy New Years.

Stay focused on your dreams, and doing what makes you happy on the inside and out.

You are worth it.


Coffee and Yoga…and Snow :)

When I woke up this morning, lets face it I was in a foul mood, as the day passed things were revealed to me that made it all get better. The snow started piling up out side, kids were unplugged and thrown outside and started laughing and playing in it.

My house was quickly becoming cleaner, due to diligent vacuuming and the frantic tossing of clothes in and out of the washer and dryer…Chairs were polished by rosy nosed munchkins, and lunch served. Sometimes it just takes putting myself into what’s around me, what I can control and what I can accomplish in that day helps my mental state immensely. Also talking to my sister and having her as that girlfriend who knows exactly how I feel as a woman in all my wonderful stages of being human, P.M.S and all! We have a nickname ATOM. This is simply because you cannot split an atom…it will explode. She is that way to me, and I thank God for it. I wouldn’t trade her for the world. There are few people who are blessed with beautiful women in their lives like her. She is a light to those around her and I hold her very high in my heart.

Did I mention I am loving this snow…so loving it. It calms the chaos little by little, and wraps me in a white blanket of silence…hushing the worries and soothing the stress.

I started this blog to write just for me…and that is what I will continue to do no matter who reads it and what they think of it. It is my personal vendetta to keep that statement true and always keep my entries fear free.

end notes:

Pink Floyd and Creedence  Clearwater make me happy, coffee is satisfying, chocolate is delicious, and Candles smell delightful, and Pigs dislike me doing Yoga.

Find your happiness, and don’t be afraid to show it…

~Write and Explore~

Coffee and Yoga

I told myself I would write more as often as I could. But as I sit here, pigs snuggled in my bed and I awake blinking at the screen, all I want to do is drink my coffee and eat a various number of treats…possibly read a book. Unfortunately, I do not have a platter of treats. It’s a good thing that I have a whole pot of coffee! For without that small victory I would be even more crabby than I am now.  It really does save lives in the mornings…not to mention it gives me something to get rid of this headache.  I guess I should have gotten up earlier when I was laying there awake thinking about how to solve all the world crisis’.  It might just be a reality that my days of sleeping in are over, because for some reason my internal clock says there is too much shit to do and I am not allowed to sleep. So…lets see what the world is doing today.

~Write and Explore….and drink a lot of coffee…a lot~

I will take a moment to spam my side business 😀  The link on the side that says Zazzle… I make coffee stuff! 🙂 I love coffee. Check it out fellow writers/bloggers there are some cute cups there to dress up your desk and you sit there in front of your screen like me and sip away.   Let me know what you liked. I am getting the motivation up to make some more stuff. I am headed back upstairs to fill my cup. ~Enjoy your freedom of speech!~

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