snow and sunshine

I walked outside this morning, with a pig in my arms, the snow was cold and sun shined bright. It felt like spring was just around the corner, and I should be searching for the first bulbs to pop through the snow. It feels like it will be a year of growth, and a more adult feel to my life. It has been a good winter. I have felt more like myself this winter than in ones past. Usually I will get into a funk and feel insecure, lonely and not know what to do with myself.

At the beginning of this winter, I made a deal with myself. Do something that makes you happy. Like drawing, writing, cleaning a closet, watching a movie, do nothing, do something, learn something new. Do something Ellen that will make yourself feel happy each day. Also, be okay with not doing anything. Let yourself off the hook. This is your break of the year, you run your ass off the whole rest of the year. Take this time to let your mind and body rejuvenate. You don’t have to have a list you complete everyday. It is important to take time for you, the inner you, and outer you. Stay organized and yet be okay with the fact that you may have not put those clothes away.

Tapping into the skills I have that I ignore throughout the spring summer and fall. Like drawing and writing. I haven’t written in the longest time. I felt like there was a part of me I was neglecting. Same with drawing. I forget that I am pretty good at it. I will toot my own horn on that one. I love my art! What ends up on the paper. Seeing the visions I have become a reality on the piece of paper. Being in control of the outcome. Knowing I can make it happen. Then turning the page and starting anew.

I recommend you find yourself each day. When you feel that breeze blow across your face and you feel it flood your soul with freshness. There are moments like that when you see who you are on the inside. Knowing that you are strong and can concur the day, week, year ahead. Those moments are important to remember.

It is easy to lose yourself in the daily grind, slave to the dollar, societies judgements, rules and stipulations.

Hold onto the fierceness inside your soul.

Let the fire burn bright behind your eyes.

Feel the vibrations of the earth, steady and pure, flowing into your body.

Embrace yourself. Be true to yourself. Love yourself.

~Write and Explore~

Can you rough it?…yes I can

I just read a post about not being able to make it without computers, and how being at the end of a dirt road would not be possible for them….

I am the opposite. take my phone, take the internet and all the business of society! I m good.

I would love to have the simple life I grew up having. With only a few exceptions. I would have a killer root cellar and a toilet inside the house.

But I could totally live without the internet and all that goes along with it. We do not need it to survive, no matter what people think. I mean take your phone away and you will not collapse and die. Turn the internet off and you wont stop breathing. Is it nice. yea it is. but necessary to live…no.

We lived at the end of a dirt road with no one around us. We moved into the house when it only had 1/4 of the floor/roof finished, a ladder leading downstairs, and no walls completed. It was motivation to get it done before the snow flew. 🙂 We got it done by tearing down old buildings in town that no one wanted and using wood from our property that was made into boards by a neighbor at the bottom of the road.

The well was the best water I still love to drink to this day. So cold and clean. You feel like you are part of the earth then you drink it. The well was paid for by selling logs from the land.

I grew up very simply and without a lot of “Luxury” items. I had to take baths in metal tubs outside, with water heated up on wood stoves and poured into it, even in the winter. Let me tell you, it was like being in a personal hot springs. Snow falling around you as you sat in boiling water on the covered back porch, and watching the birds at the bird feeder. It was quiet and peaceful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

We chopped wood to stay warm, harvesting the wood ourselves throughout the summer from the forest land that backs the property. We had a generator for quite a few years before we got power brought up the hill. During that time, if we wanted black and white T.V. for a few hours a night we had to start it up ourselves. I still remember how it sounded.

I as so blessed to have a childhood where hard work was a norm. I wish my kids could grow up like that. These days kids don’t know the meaning of hard work. I mean you get home, work on the house, or dig fence posts, chop wood, haul water, or fence in the horse pasture, all before starting your homework. We ate what was put in front of us without complaint, worked without grumbling, and never dreamed of talking back…unless you wanted your hair pulled or swatted with a spoon. I am grateful for my mother and her strength it took to raise me and my sister. It was tough for her. We did it on our own with no man, no money and at the beginning only a trailer that fit on the back of a truck to live in. God got us through it all.

The story is much longer than this. Our beginning on the property was not an ideal way to start. However, if it would have been easy…we wouldn’t have learned all we did or had all the adventures we did. They are my fondest childhood memories. Thank you mom for always being our rock, and for pushing us to be the women we are today. I love and adore you for all you have done for me. God has made your daughters into two strong individuals who can say they had a good life with more love than they could ever imagine. Thank you for never giving up when it was hard…or when you felt hopeless. I know you pushed on because there was no other choice. I take all those lessons to heart. There is always a direction to go. If you don’t move forward, you are only stuck in the misery around you.

I am not afraid of what the world can throw at me.

Thank you for showing me what it is to be a Woman.

~reflective and humbled~



Yellowstone Adventures

Sunday, June 11 2017

Our journey to Yellowstone begins with a car full of gear, two kids, one mom and adventurous spirits ready for an awesome 4 day family Camping Vacation.

Day 1: The Journey

Mom~ The kids are old enough now to be a joy to travel with. Driving through the mountains was breathtaking and something I enjoy every time. I love the mountains. Beautiful… We had wonderful talks while on the road, about any and everything under the sun. The snowy mountains on entering the park were incredible. We had a safe trip to our quiet campsite.

Kayla~ I Loved my snacks, especially the vanilla wafers, along the way and got to sit in the front seat the whole way there. I loved it. I spotted the first prehistoric looking Pelican and the first Bison. We saw a baby Bison nursing her mom. Super sweet. Kaden made Wiggy the seal and Pongo the penguin dance to keep me entertained. What a good brother.

Kaden~ Travelling here with mom and Kayla was great! I loved it. I was the best at being the “Snack Man” during the trip, making sure Kayla and mom had the food they needed. I spotted the first Elk by the camp. It was huge and had velvet on his antlers still. I had fun getting the tent set up and settling in.

Side notes: The streams were fast moving with swift currents. We all loved watching the steam from the geysers on the trip down to our campsite at Bridge Bay.

Monday, June 12 2017

Day 2: Headed out into the Park

Mom~ Journal entry: It thundered and rained last night. It was an amazing experience to hear the thunder roll across the vast sky and over Yellowstone Lake. The rain wasn’t for too long and the morning is divine. To wake up to fresh air, birds chirping and the sun on my face…perfect. The kids and I went for a quick walk last night to stretch our legs after being in the car for nine hours. Kaden looked over at me with a big smile on his face and said “We need to do this more often!” To see his face light up and be so happy was a burst of love to my heart. I need to have more memory making times with them before they move out. I look forward to the days journeys. It looks partly cloudy which is good. It would be great to have no rain. Now off to breakfast.

Our day started off with a great breakfast with lots of sunshine! We ate by the lake then took off across the park.

Kayla~ Seeing a coyote was great! It was what one animal on my list to see.

Kaden~ The Dragons Breath cave/geyser was awesome! I think I saw a bear in the woods. it was hard to see.

All~ We saw may Bison walking down the road! Called one of them Buddy. The stretch of road that had all the geysers is our favorite. The winds were very strong on our last stop just above Biscuit Basin. The winds felt like they held us up when we jumped in the air. Then the skies turned to gray…and it started to snow. Little did we know that our poor little tent was in for a rough ride. While we enjoyed “Old Faithful” and had a wonderful dinner with great food and service, the snow started to really come down. When we got back to camp we found our tend collapsed and covered in slushy snow. What a mess. We spent the next 40 minutes getting our tent upright, pulling it closer to some small trees, and covering it with a new tarp we bought at the general store.  Thankfully, our blankets were dry. We snuggled in and got ready for the snow to continue to fly all night. We only had to kick our feet up from inside the tent two times to upright it while we slept. What an adventure!!

Animal count in order of appearance Day 2:

3 Elk, 2 Ducks, Quite a few swallows, 4 Elk, A flock of Geese, 1 Coyote, 1 Seagull, A hole ton of Buffalo, 2 Flocks of Geese, More Bison, 3 Deer, 1 Chipmunk, 1 Hawk, 1 Deer, A Duck, 2 Blackbirds, 1 Bear? (hard to tell), 2 Elk, lots of Birds

Day 3: Out to explore again!

All~ We woke up to snow falling all around us. We had breakfast by the lake and watched the snow fly sideways off the water and through the trees. We could not go to Lamar due to the road being closed because of the snowfall. So we visited some of our favorite sites. Still a wonderful day even though it snowed.

Kaden wanted to hike a little and stretch his legs. We decided to go for a hike at the Artists Paint spot. How amazing it was to get all the different views and get into the Back Country of Yellowstone.

Our dinner reservation was at Grant Village by the lake. We had a table right by the water and got to enjoy the scenery while we ate fabulous local foods. Bison burgers are the best, as was the Bison stroganoff. When we got back to camp it was no longer raining so we went for a walk. To our delight we saw 3 Elk right by the road. Two large males and one small male. One loved a stick and was throwing it around. The other loved the logs and kept chewing on them, and the small one loved the small trees. It was a great way to end the day.

Side notes by Kayla: Woke up to blizzard. tent only caved in twice. Less than 15 minutes on the road and we already spotted 2 Elk. Its super windy, especially by the lake! We are on the lookout for a bear. We want to climb the treehouse where we had dinner last night. Buffalo stood in the middle of the road, itching his face. We get exhausted quickly while hiking or walking due to the elevation. We played the Veggie Tales soundtrack in the car. We saw the Flying Pan! Its really stinky like a fart. Marmots make really loud noses. We also saw Roaring Mountain.

Animal count in order of appearance Day 3:

2 Elk, a herd of Bison, a flock of Geese, a Duck, 5 Geese, 2 herds of Bison, 1 herd of Bison, 2 lone Bison, 2 flocks of Geese, 1 Bison, to many buffalo to count!, 2 Elk, 3 Deer, 2 Eagles, 1 Raven, 1 Bird, 1 Snowman, 1 Elk, 1 Deer, 3 Marmots, 1 Weasel, 1 Black Bear!, 1 Hawk, 1 Deer, 5 Elk, many Ducks, 1 Elk, Gathering of Geese, 1 Big Elk in middle of road!

Day 4: Journey Home




you are worth it….

there are so many things I could say to try and boost the confidence inside your soul. there is so much I wish you could see in yourself…the things that I see every day. You are amazingly strong and don’t give yourself credit for all the shit you have been through and all the things you are capable of. God and you can do anything!! I know that the world is huge, scary and so freaking uncontrollable. but what would we get out of our journey if it wasn’t fucked up some times and super hard.

The mud is a few feet deep and will try to keep you stuck. but so help me God I will keep those boots on your feet and keep walking beside you no matter what! you are not alone and I will never leave you. neither will your God or family. its pretty messed up the crap we endure, and on the other hand what is life but mistakes, love, laughter, tears, and happiness.

In the times when there I no hope there is something else… a direction to go. if you only have one way to go, up, then go. if all else seems lost then you are right were you need to be and you have a path to finally follow. The one out of the shit ass place you are stuck in. Hold my hand, Hold Gods, and lets get through it together.

The love of a sister in Christ never fades, it only burns brighter.

I see a fire inside your soul it is waiting for the fuel to get a little closer then….look out. that is going to be a blaze no one can stand in the way of.

you are beautiful, strong, caring, and have been through enough to last a lifetime. we are not defined by what others think of us. We shouldn’t feel the need to be defined by anything or anyone. It should be our goal to hold ourselves to our own high standards, making ourselves proud, our God and in the end being able to fade from this world knowing that we did all we could to be happy each day. No matter how hard it was to make the choices you needed to ensure your own happiness.

We have a choice each day. and sometimes those choices will set in motion the biggest mountain you have ever climbed. but imagine yourself at the top of that hill…you did it. you can and you will. it all starts with the first step. and you are not alone. you are loved cared for and there is nothing that will ever change that.

hold your head high. know you are worth it.

you are worth it. you are strong enough

you deserve happiness

you are worth it.

I will tell you everyday, and hold your hand each step.

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