“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”
devil or angel
each voice in my ear
how to judge
carry a deity’s
answer to prayer
one has virtue
the other pretends
one is blessed
the other condemned
have no power
the coin toss
no true guarantee
all I know to be
is I must take
in the now of the end
I’ve no choice but
to follow my heart
as I’ve done
through my life
with no voice in my ear
save the human ones
by actions of those
whom I’ve loved
I had lunch with my mom yesterday. We have done this only one time before. She said something to me that stuck in my mind and touched my heart. She said:
“No matter what you choose in your life, I will support you and stand beside you.”
Knowing that my mother, whose opinion matters deeply, loves and supports me no matter what. She said along with that later that night, when I called and thanked her, said:
“Your kids will do whatever they feel is right no matter what when they are older
so I need to stand by them.”
I have gotten closer to my mother over the past few years. Especially this last year. It finally feels like we are equal adults, and able to talk without me feeling like a child anymore. It is a blessing to feel the support of my decisions, even though I would decide what I thought was right without approval. We all have to follow our hearts and guts and pray for the guidance along our own personal journeys.
Being confident in yourself, and your God leading your path, knowing that you are doing what is best for you, your family, your loved ones, is what matters.
Taking each day at a time. Not worrying. Loving completely. Laugh. Pray. Encourage. Forgive. Motivate yourself. Take time for You. Dance. Live. Be silent. Be loud. Be You. Give Kindness. Help others when you see a need. Be Chivalrous. Sing too loud. Be happy you have air in your lungs and a day to live to its fullest.
“See others for what and who they Are
Not for what You want them to be”
atop the cliff she stands
her pale skin lightly draped with white satin cloth
bare feet connecting her with the earth below
her face kisses the sky, as her hair flows down her back
caressed by the wind, bathed in the moonlight
vibrating light emanates from every fiber of her being
arms down to along her side, fingers outstretched
deep within her soul she draws forth the fire
her lips part alas, releasing the scream within
grievous flames of fury expand into the night
bright orange flames fueled by eternal pain submerged in darkness
collections of tears, untouched emotions, taunting voices, crushing loss
hopes, fears, dreams…consumed by the dancing rage of freedom
her eyes fill with burning liquid, scorching her face as they slide off her cheeks
hands tightly clench, drawing strength from the cold stone under foot
she is a force to be feared
yet her screams fall on deaf ears…
for eternity will she fill the sky with her flames
consuming every darkness
My first thought of the day was “Fuck you 3am”, and “How much coffee will it take to make it through the day?!!” I wish I could have gotten back to sleep. I stared at the ceiling for a long time, laid there forcing my eyes closed listening to my pig dream about eating something, wrote a few things which I will attempt to get out into the universe this morning, thought about writing some more, thought about my future, thought about my present. Finally got up and was out of the shower by 5:03. Goody me.
I am reading the book called Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, the same woman who wrote Eat Pray Love. I love her style of writing.
Now it occurred to me last night, or shall I say early this morning, that one of her phrases: “Sow Expectations, Reap Disappointments” is a very deep and real thing. This fact is so true and I would have to say that I agree with it completely. If I expect anything from anyone in this world, I am either let down, disappointed or my feelings get hurt. I have been fighting with this situation for a while now and after seeing those words on paper really struck a chord. Enough to make me go “Huh!” almost out loud while I lay in the pre dawn suspended state of awareness.
I also made up a questionnaire to post but will have to think on that one a bit before I post it, I want to be able to get the feedback that is needed without it being confusing to do so. It is questions for men and women about each others wants and needs, I will be requesting Brutal honest from anyone who reads it. I like honesty, and look forward to seeing if anyone has the balls to spit out what they really feel. Not many like to do that. But here I have no fear and would like to see who else doesn’t as well. 🙂
I wrote a poem, well saw a poem, that I am going to try to write this morning as well. It was very powerful vision of a poem. We will see if I still have it in me to write like I used too. Possibly “Screaming Fire” is what it will be named. We will see.
Lets get this shit started.
Oh man woke up with a bitching head ache, crabby beyond all reason, and somehow still able to find a mask to put on before I face my kids. It’s not their fault I don’t want to be part of society today. I had to turn on music so the clicking of game controllers stopped beating like symbols in my brain. I took 4 ibuprofen, and hope it will help. I think it might be a Skylar Grey day, along with quiet knitting and reflection. Actually let myself have a Saturday, aside from watching my nephew play his first basketball game, very exciting, and lunch with my mom and sister. That will be nice, mostly because I don’t have to try to be happy or in a good mood. They accept me the way I am…moods and all. 🙂
Pancakes wait for no one and it would taste like shit in the powder form and not cooked. Off to the kitchen…its closer to my coffee pot anyways 😀
Happiness is here 🙂
I could stay there for weeks…
How many times do I have to have the same epiphany about the same shit, it’s the little things that I stress about that I really don’t need to stress about. I blame having space in my brain that isn’t filled with flowers….I should fill it with flowers again. I need to fill it with flowers and stuff anyways. I have Spring crawling up the driveway like a worm on steroids getting ready to knock on my door and slap me in the face, or make me slip on it and fall on my ass… Lets hope for the last one. I really don’t need to fall on my ass when I have this big of a responsibility on my shoulders. But the best thing I can do is be prepared for it and get all the knowledge I can and keep it in there for future use. That would be the smart thing to do. There is no one to teach me but me. And that is a little difficult being your own teacher and driving yourself forward. But I guess if I ever want to have my own business and to run things myself then I need to have that self motivation and preservation in my blood and hardwired into my mind on a continual basis.
I have felt better today, mentally probably because I got up when the pigs wanted breakfast and stayed awake as opposed to laying in bed for another hour making myself even more tired. It helped to have that quiet time before the house was awake.
I need to remind myself somehow…and I will work on the method …as to how to keep myself reminded of what I am capable of doing. How strong I am mentally and what I can do. What I have overcome and what I can overcome. What God can do in my life, and where he can lead me.
Patience…I need patience.
There is some sort of messed up emotional rollercoaster floating through my teen boys head and its insane! 🙂 I m sure you other moms out there get what I m saying. Wow. Love that boy to pieces but man I think the teen years are going to be the hardest for us. I am hoping the girl is easier when it comes to the teen years. She already is, which means one easy…one more challenging child. Bring it on 🙂 I am ready….I will need more coffee though. 🙂
So I have had a mental and motivational block this week. No…motivation…at…all. Yeah it sucks. I would like to go for a walk but it’s too damn cold outside. It hurts my lungs. I know when I go back to work that I will have my energy back and I could get it back by exercising here at home…but lets face it…I don’t do that. 🙂 I will once in a while get my yoga mat out and stretch my tendons etc. I guess the reason I let myself be lazy is because for the rest of the year I run my butt off outside working, hauling, digging and all that jazz. My chest did start to feel tight yesterday which means I have been shallow breathing lately too much and need to expand my lungs. Today might be the day I try working out or at least do something physical that will get my lungs going. I do have a lot of piggy presents to clean out of the back yard. Also, tmi, it doesn’t help my pms is kicking in early. That really blows. I have no patience, am extremely irritable, and am sick of my routine. When it gets to the point where it is hard to even write shit, you know you have fallen into a slump. ptthhbbb. I need more coffee. I will hopefully be turned around by the end of the morning with something better to report.
Okay I thought about it…PROUCTIVITY is what I am missing. Feeling like I am productive and accomplishing something. I do through this each winter, duh Ellen. So we will be productive by maybe making a cake using my Wilton cake set with pretty roses and all that fun stuff. 🙂 That would be fun.
Lets be creative today and remember what God gave in this mind and spirit!