So apparently I can only write shit when I am laying in bed trying to sleep at night or in the early morning when I am trying to catch that last half hour of sleep. By the time I get up it has left my brain and I am sitting here staring at the screen…blink…blink…blink…yeah might just need to drink more coffee and play my Facebook games until something comes to me. Today I am switching back and forth from coffee to hot lime water, I am out of lemon juice.
There are things I could vent about, worries I could express, wants and needs I could expose…but it is New Years Eve, and why end the year complaining and feeling down. (but I might a little just to get it out). I am happy that this next year will be here no matter how my night is spent…which will probably be sleeping cuddling with my pig as the ball drops. I m not saying I want a new years bash or anything, but just to simply look into the eyes of my lover and get a kiss, that means something to both of us, to start the New Year off right. That would be an experience I would like to have.
I guess I am just a silly romantic in a lot ways. I dream of being scooped up into strong caring arms, kissed passionately, and held like I am the only thing on his mind. I remember having that at one point in the beginning of our relationship but as time goes on that fury of passion and craving each others flesh fades, not always fading for both parties equally. I have often wondered what it would be like to have that passion continue longer than a few months or year. To be looked at the way you were in the beginning, like you are so special you might float away if not held onto tightly, kissed deeply and told how beautiful you are, and that you are loved completely. It might be a myth though, to have those things continue over the years. If I am wrong I would love to be corrected.
For me, I still get butterflies in my stomach, and a longing in my heart when he comes home, when I see him do everyday tasks, and when we a simple hand is held. I still crave him the way I did years ago in the beginning, his kisses…oh his kisses…that is what I miss the most. I don’t think he realizes where he takes me to when he kisses me deeply that way…I become a new woman full of all the desires to make his dreams come true. When he holds me at night, I feel safe from everything…anything. Through all we have been through…I love him very much.
Anyways. There are many things I am thankful for this year, and things I could have definitely done without, mostly the arguments that have been had, and disappointments experienced. I got a great new job, got closer to my mom and sister, found out I have more girlfriends than I realized. I made a goal to be debt free as soon as possible, and decided I need to make a plan to be able to retire at some point in my life before I m too old to do anything.
Happy New Years.
Stay focused on your dreams, and doing what makes you happy on the inside and out.
You are worth it.